Progression

In terms of music, a progression is a succession of chords which gives a piece of music its harmonic movement. In a chord progression, each chord moves to the next, propelling the music forward. Every chord is an important musical building block of the piece as a whole.

I am looking forward to the new year with the idea of progression at the forefront of my thoughts.  It is my wish that every day, every moment, every choice will be for the purpose of moving forward. Not in a mad rush, but in a steady succession of events and days and decisions. This, of course, means willfully releasing the past. I don't mean forgetting the past. I should always be aware and in touch with what has come before in order to learn and grow. However, I cannot let myself be so anchored to the events of the past that there is no forward motion. I should not live thinking back to what could have been and playing moments over and over in my head in an endless loop.

A piece of music can't be made up of one chord played over and over. Well, it can, but who would want to listen to that? Sometimes, all we can do is stop agonizing over the past and move on to the next thing. It should be simple, right?

There is often a danger of confusing contentment with complacency, but a person CAN be content without being complacent. One should always be moving forward in personal growth, always striving to be a little bit better. I never want to say to myself (or anyone else) "Well, this is as good as I get!" I don't want to get to a certain age and just stop. I don't need big, dramatic changes; even tiny steps upward and/or forward are positive motion. I don't want this kind of progression because I am discontented. I simply find joy in the process, in the growth and evolution of who I am.

And so the harmonic movement of my life is composed day by day and moment by moment. It doesn't always follow a steady andante, but again, an unchanging pace would be boring. There will be times of rapid movement when events shift and change from one measure to the next. There will also be gentle lulls when days slow and the movement is so subtle it's barely noted.

Now, at the great fermata of 2018 before the clock strikes midnight and a New Year begins, I think ahead (only slightly) and prepare myself. There's new music waiting to be written. The final strains of the preceding chords fade and I take a giant lung-bursting breath, ready to lift my voice in new notes and new ideas in a brand new shining year.

Happy New Year, everyone.

 Let's make some music.

Not-So-Chunky White Duchess

I have been on a journey. It began last summer after I visited my sister and took this picture:

It's like a side-by-side after/before ad for Jenny Craig.

I was mortified by how I looked. However, it went far beyond looking fat. I felt sluggish and unwell. I couldn't do a lot of things that I wanted to because I just didn't have the energy or stamina. I decided to make a change. 

I was nervous about such an undertaking. I knew it would be challenging, but I could also see where I was headed if I did nothing. One side of my family tends to be overweight and I was told from an early age that I would likely follow the trend when I got older. I worried that maybe that was truth; maybe getting fat was unavoidable for me. Maybe I was fighting a losing battle. 

Fortunately, the other side of my family is stubborn tenacious. I was not going to Fatsville without a fight. I began simply. No fad diets. No pills. No supplements. Just careful calorie and activity tracking. I got a new Fitbit and started using the MyFitnessPal app. I really became more conscious about what I was taking in and how much activity I was doing on a daily basis. 

My job is largely sedentary, so I set my Fitbit to give me hourly reminders to get up and move. I started going to the gym regularly. At first I just walked on the treadmill or rode the bike. After a while I added in some classes: PiYo, some yoga and even kickboxing. I gradually added in some weight training as well. 

My diet has never been really terrible, but I did have a portion control problem as well as a penchant to snack a lot at night. I cut down my meal portions but added in regular healthy snacks during the day so I never feel overly hungry. I cut out late-night snacking by instituting a 10pm Unplug for myself. By 9:50pm all my electronic devices are turned off and I am in bed (away from the kitchen) with a good book.  

Since the end of the summer last year, I have gone from a size 12 with achy knees and ankles and some serious gut issues to a size 6 with knees that can hold up for a run and two back-to-back weeks of VBS. My energy is great and I feel better than I have in AGES. 

But this is the most important part: There is no end in sight. I'm not going to get to a certain weight or dress size and say, "Ok, I'm done. I can go back to what I was doing before."

This is a lifestyle change for me. This is the way I will be from now on. And I'm happy. I love going to the gym. I enjoy the foods that I eat. I allow myself a treat now and then, but I am not interested in letting this go. It's not that I'm just afraid of gaining the weight back. I love how I feel now. I didn't realize how bad I felt before. Even my anxiety issues have gotten better thanks to regular exercise and cutting a lot of the crap from my diet. 

I was almost 40 when I started. I had a lot of bad habits and a family history of weight issues. I could have said, "Well, everyone in my family is fat" and felt perfectly justified. But I want to be a good example for my children. I want to be healthy for myself now and for my future self. I want to be able  to hike Cinque Terre or climb the Tor at Glastonbury when I'm an older lady. I don't want to be a burden to my sons when I'm old because I didn't take care of myself. 

So there it is. My "Yay Me!" post. I won't apologize for it. I worked hard for it. I'm still working hard. 

But it feels amazing.

*I could not have done this without the awesome support of my husband. He's been on this journey with me and is such an inspiration to me. He looks amazing too!